We bother because we want to live. I bother, because I want a life. I want whatever I can get. I used to sew, make jewelry, plant gardens, paint anything I could get my hands on, and I used to be able to dance well. There are a million other things that I can no longer do, even expressing these words out loud is a challenge for me. So, add talking to the list, expressing myself how I want to. My fingers are generally fast enough to keep up with my brain, so I write.
I bother because I have a husband who loves me and kids who very much give a shit if I am happy or not. I shouldn't be happy. I hurt all the time. I fall in public, very slowly, I lose my muscles. I am happy. I love my new life. I love the strength that I have gained through laying in bed for two years trying to stop my own heart.. I love that I don't do that any more.
I love that I am predictable. I feel like I am a walking chaos ball.. But when I look at my patterns I find comfort in the fact that I am predictable, it just doesn't feel like it.
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