I did say when I started this blog that I would try to help out with life hacks. Things that will make your life easier, so you can be happy instead of miserable and sad. It is so easy to just let go and be sad.
I realized that I couldn't count on anyone but myself. I have my boys and my husband and they help a lot. However, they are also angry when I ask, so I try not to ask them for help. I don't know if they noticed or not.
People that say my disease is bullshit. Or others that say that there is no way that cannabis is my "medicine" they always use air quotes.. because they have no idea how much it helps me.
This is a hard one to do because our bodies are fighting us. However, try to figure out what will make you happier. What do you wish you could do? For example.. I like getting out of the house whenever I can. If I am hurting too much I take a chair right along with myself.. or I ride in those battery cart things they have in Walmart.
Trust me, it is funny a little.. and your kids will die of embarrassment. Every time they are near you, put it in reverse and it beeps so loud. Those things considered, it is much better to just give over and use a scooter than coming home with 10 dozen eggs and a bag of chips because you are in so much pain that walking is taking up all your attention. Yeah, I only did that one time. It was after the great egg debacle that I started using the scooter when I needed it.
Another thing I want to do is lose weight. For some reason my eating habits have gone from sort of not even there, and now I am nearly sick in my tummy all day, but at night I eat and I eat and I eat. It's silly. I know I do it. I eat during the day... I force it past the lump that feel like I am trying to vomit... it doesn't work. Maybe some of you are like this. I don't know. I need so change it up. I am tired of being squishy.
Back to the topic at hand. Recently, well during the winter, we thought for about a week that we were losing our house. They gave us 30 days to get out. My dad owns a house that is two houses. The one below him is empty. I called him crying my guts out and said, daddy please help us, we are going to be homeless. He said to come down the next night, that he would help us.
My husband and I got there, and wife #3 was not there. Then my father proceeded to give us all these bullshit lies about why he could not help us. See, as soon as he married wife #3 he said, right in front of my brother and myself; that he finally found his family. I found out later that the wife said she would leave him if he helped us.
Luckily I don't give a shit about inheritence or money at all, because apparently as soon as the ring was on her finger his will changed and my brother and I aren't in it anymore. Good for him. He gets to fuck me up as a kid, then I don't even get a thing when you kick it? Fuck that.
I use the fuck word a lot. I hold my anger down and I cuss instead, so if it bothers you, fuck off. Now, I should be angry. I am not. I say fuck a lot, because it is like a pressure relief if I need it. That said, I should still be upset, and sad. Shit, line up the reasons, I have a whole bunch of reasons NOT to be happy.
I ain't running through meadows singing and laughing.. I am surviving. I am not posting about the sunrise and how blessed I feel to be alive today. Fuck that. I am in pain today. Does that mean I am angry and mean? No, absolutely not. I am just trying to point out that I thought that was happiness. That those that seem like they are riding a unicorn through glitter land all day long were doing something I wasn't. I am still not sure how people like that maintain, I don't think they do. I think you are full of shit. Happiness, when you are ill and in pain all the time.. takes work. But it can be achieved.
Each day. Surviving. Because I took control of my own brain. You don't wait for what others have to say. You don't even have to listen to what they say. They are only words.
Come on people.. Join me.. Don't let the words of others hurt you. The power to do that is inside you. Protect your heart and your mind. Love yourself, and if others can't get on board, walk away. We are working way too hard just to get out of bed to allow ourselves to be miserable all the time. As I said, happiness is not defined as having rainbows shooting out of your ass... happiness is defined for you, in your head, and once you find it; once you find a happy place.. don't let anyone fuck with your happy place. Protect it.
Heart Hugs to my readers. I am happy to have you along for this ride. Let's get through it together.
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