Fibromyalgia has changed the way that I think. I notice that I tend to be very narrowly focused, similar to my oldest son who is "ADD". He can focus and understand something to perfection, unless he doesn't care all that much about it, then he literally could care less.
At first I felt like this was a huge flaw for me. A huge Thing That is Wrong. However, I find now that since I have relaxed into sync with my nervous condition; that I can live like this and it is okay. If it is outside of my zone I find it very difficult to do.
Example: cleaning up my "little houses". This would be the pile of shit that lays in the areas I spend my time, the end of the couch and the bedroom, my side of the bed. I should clean them. My life will feel better if I do. Thing is, I get a certain amount of energy each day. I have to budget what that energy goes into. Fuck cleaning.. I say as I sit here surrounded by all my shit.
My family is very tolerant to my behavior. They help me and they are my saviors in this. I hate that I had to get sick when I did, that I had to spend so much time just coming back to zero. I feel like I have climbed a mountain.
Everyone with fibro can do this. I am not advising you to clean or change a thing, but watch yourself closely. Get to know yourself again. It's okay. One thing at a time. Baby steps.
This shit, for right now, is forever. The only thing we can do is live to fight the next day. Laugh, love, and do what you can. That simple formula and you can find some moments. Maybe I can't feel relaxed anymore.. actually that is true for me.. I never feel relaxed, take the steps to try. If your shit piles up because it is so painful to get it and put it away each time.. if your reality is like mine.. say FUCK IT.. baby steps.
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