Monday, June 16, 2014

The Day I Showed A Mennonite Man My Boobs: and got a discount on my peaches. (this is very much a true story)


I live in Lancaster County PA. Wonderful in the summer. No GMO crops here. Amish despise them, so do the Mennonites. This happened many years ago, but I remembered the story the other day. This was just before the fibro got really bad. My son and I went to a local farm where you can pick your own peaches, or apples. We went to pick peaches, and I wanted a lot because I was canning them.
This is a Mennonite owned spot. Oh, oops, I will explain, Amish have buggies... Mennonites have black cars, with NO chrome. They all wear ugly dresses and sneakers. Amish are black, green, and blue for their color pallet choices. Mennonite can wear floral patterns, as long as they aren't too... loud.. I guess is a good word.

Okay, so.. we are picking the hell out of some peaches we had a lot. We went up to pay and a very large flying insect flew right down my shirt. Now, you might be thinking, Well, maybe her reaction wasn't HULK SMASH because she wasn't super sick yet. Well.. I didn't smash anything... 

Somehow the little fucker bug was in my bra. Now, to those that don't know me I have big titties. They fill up a bra. None of that push up shit for me. Matter fact my boobs just fall out the center of those every time I bend down... I digress, big boobs.. Mennonite man ringing me up, weighing my peaches.. 



He comes out to give me my total and I am doing the dance.. I can feel the fucker bug moving around my titty.. I freaked. So.. what do you do when something is trapped? You remove the garment under which it is trapped... I did not take my shirt off.. but I lifted my shirt and my bra like I was at Mardi Gras wanting some beads. I wish I would have had a camera to catch the reaction of the Mennonite man. My kid approached me and said "mom, two things, first of all.. yes your nipples are pierced and I know that now. Secondly, you just showed a Mennonite man your boobs."

I couldn't stop laughing.. the peach man was flabbergasted and happy. I got my peaches for really cheap that day. I do NOT recommend trying this for cheap peaches. It will only work with Amish and Mennonite and it has to be an accident.

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