Let Us Discuss Teenagers. Raising, Worrying, Terrified, Teenagers are Afraid of Nothing

The days when we were young and we were going to live forever.  I remember that feeling.  The one that says, "that won't happen to me".  The scariest part of that is that I am female.  I have been witness to the difference between the two.  They may as well be different species.  I have spent the past 8 or so years asking my husband, "is that normal?...  Do boys really do that?"  

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I cannot possibly be the only one with these questions.  I cannot possibly be the only mother who wonders what to allow her child to do when they come to me with new questions or requests.  I have learned all the relevant questions, and I have made sure that I have created a home where my children can tell me what they are doing.  I look at most mothers when we are out at events and I know that their children lie to them, because they have to.  They have the pseudo relationship that I had with my mother.  Passive mothering.  I don't get it.   I worked on these particular humans for 18 years.  I will be damned if I am going to ignore what they are doing now.

A good friend had to send her son off to the Navy boot camp today.  He wants to be a Navy Seal.  My heart hurts for her because she is such a beautiful person.  She is one of the few around here who stayed my friend, even after she saw through the camouflage (that I no longer have at all).  She was one that wasn't embarrassed to be my friend publicly.

No one talks about watching your kids grow boobs, or armpit hair.  Knowing they are going through all the normal stages of being a teenager.  There is a dark side that no one talks about.  Especially if you are like me and you have devoted your life to your kids.

Here is a tip that I have if you are the mother or father even, of boys.  When they go to their first school dance, or event with girls..  If they are starting to notice those sorts of things..  warn them about blue balls and what that feels like.  I forgot about it, and it was super awkward for my son to have to tell us his balls were hurting.  The solution is a good wank...  just has to jerk the pickle.  Now, easy conversation, hey..  if you are around girls you might get a lot of boners and that will make your balls hurt..  all you have to do is jerk off.  Saves embarrassment for later.  I hope you have the type of relationship with your child that makes these conversations possible.

I am fucking terrified of losing them.  I am terrified of them flying away.  I know they have to.  I know they are supposed to.  I am a soc.psych major.  I know intellectually all these things to be true.  I watch them traversing Eriksons's stages of growth.  I know that they are exactly where they are supposed to be developmentally, or they are ahead of the curve.

But it isn't really about that.  At the end of the day I feel like I gave birth yesterday..  I remember the first day of kindergarten like it just happened.  I remember.  I forget a lot of stuff, but I remember when they were little.

Now they are out in the world, working, and so grown.  My job to them changes almost every day.  I thought that toddlers made me busy.  I was wrong.  Teenagers keep you hopping, and if you aren't hopping, your teen might end up in some trouble.  They need you all up in their business, we can work together as mothers to work towards trusting our children.  No matter what they tell you, do your best to trust them.  Help them learn better judgement.

I will be writing more about raising teenagers later.  I don't think shitty stupid games and roller rink birthday parties are the answer here.  Teenagers need each other.