I woke up yesterday with a feeling in my gut. Of course the first thing I saw when I awoke was the text message telling me they found the body of the missing boy. He had drowned. He just graduated from high school a month ago. His name was Dan Lugo and I believe he was an amazing, warm, friendly, caring soul. He was taken way too soon.
I knew him a little bit, but my kids were both very close to him and I knew that he was loved by everyone. Well, I thought I knew, it turns out that he would surprise the hell out of me, even after he passed.
At any rate, My first thought was for my children. One was already with his friends, waiting for the news. I could not comfort them. But my feelings didn't stop with my kids, it carried over to all the kids that knew Dan.
I knew that he was more than a person. He is a force, and always will be. I knew though, that there were going to be a lot of kids home for summer vacation, with no way to come together until the funeral. That was unacceptable to me. They needed each other. This was traumatic for me and I am almost 40. These babies needed each other, in an environment where they could grieve in any way they wanted to, as well as being surrounded by others who also loved Dan.
I immediately felt the need to do something. I do that when there is a tragedy, I want to do something; helpless is not something I allow into my life. So, I got on the phone. I needed a spot that was big enough, and there were storms in the forecast, so one that was under cover would be great. I gave Solanco High School the opportunity to call me back, and get on board. They did not.
So, I said.. screw you guys, I'm doing this anyway. There is a park and a pavilion in our town. I called the Lady of the Park and I apprised her of the situation and attained approval to use the pavilion at 9 pm for the vigil. Then, this was one of the hardest parts for me, I called the police. I called to tell them that we would be there and what we were doing. I would be remiss if I didn't admit that the lady on the phone was very nice, and the police left us alone.
So, I had nearly done it. I set a time, I sent it into the datasphere.. I had even called the police, which was really hard.. yes I know I already said that... Then it hit me.. that I was throwing a candle light vigil and I didn't have a single candle. Plus, I knew that for those things, there would be little paper thingo's that go around the candle so that you don't burn yourself. Where the hell do you get those right? I have never seen them in a store. I been in a few stores.. I started to panic.
However, I contacted my son with a time, and a place, and said candles... and a church donated a whole tub, full of those candles. That worked itself out.
Fibromyalgia breakdown, Code 7: When I am planning, or thinking, I run around in circles, literal circles, I have worn a path around my house. Yesterday I spent around 5 hours, circling while I planned the vigil.
I sorted everything on my end and joy of joys I was able to give some jobs to my son and his friends because it gave them something to do. I didn't even think about that positive effect until it happened.
Myself and my son and his friends all thought that we should show up early. It was pouring down rain. Around 8:30 people started to roll in. At 845 we were pulling the tables outside the pavilion so that we could fit more people. In the end, I bet there were 300 people that showed up. This kid was loved by everyone. Like I said earlier, I stood in a state of shock, I literally went numb all over my body because first of all, this started with my pre-coffee thought... only 12 hours ago.
Now there are 300 or so people crowded in and around the pavilion, and a local news van. What the hell have I done? I did this and I am feeling elated and dizzy and really dumbstruck all at the same time. I said, hold it together bitch, these babies need you. I do call myself a bitch when I am giving myself the internal pep talk. It works for me.
Everyone, showed up and stood in the sticky hotness that was the pavillion at that point. It was raining and steamy and gross. His parents showed up for the vigil, and I put them near the front. We could not bring the people that spoke forward because it was too packed to walk around. It was insane. My whole body goes numb when I think about it still. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
We all looked awful, smelled pretty bad, and were sticky as hell. I walked around the perimeter though, listening to what the kids were saying and thanking them for coming. I didn't hear one complaint. It was people, candles, and rain. I spoke first and encouraged others who wanted to speak about Dan to think about what they wanted to say after his parents got there.
I continued my circles, listening to the consensus, ready for the teenagers to start bitching about the rain, how sticky it was.. whatever... I was listening very intently for those, because I would have not allowed them to bring down the other kids around them.
Not one, not one single teenager complained. I heard "I don't care how hot and sticky it is I am here for Dan" or something similar, at least 20 times. They didn't care that they were wet, they were there to celebrate a beautiful soul.
His mother kept the candle that we had given her at the vigil. When everyone lit their candles it got even hotter. No one cared. No one blinked. Everyone who spoke said positive and beautiful things. The most magical and beautiful things I could imagine happened, I saw Dan's mother smile.
She hugged me a lot and kept thanking me. I kept insisting that Dan drew this crowd, I just knocked on a couple of doors, so to speak. She told me that she hadn't felt any peace, until she stood there in front of hundreds of kids expressing their love for her son.
Beautiful. xoxo
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