Am I A Normal Person?

Part of my journey has been losing friends and gaining new ones.  It is impossible to keep up relationships like we did before we got super fucked up right?  We have to cancel plans, or even worse..  My black out drunk phase, where I just wanted to get fucked for a while, and forget.  None of these things are healthy.

The friends that turn their backs were never in love with you like friends should be anyway.  Fuck them.  You are having the battle of a lifetime right now, and we all work on it not being the center of attention.  Nonetheless, we lose people, and it hurts like hell.  You wish you could make them understand, but they don't want to.  I hang out with intelligent folks.  They know that I am sick, but they refuse to let it touch their lives.  We have to sit back and let them.  We learn from the rejections and we move the hell on.  I am here, friends are all over the place and in the most unexpected of places.

Do a digital dream board.  No, I don't buy into that book The Secret (although Oprah, I love you)..  But think about what you want out of your life and start a board, whether online or out of newspapers. You are going to surprise yourself with what you are able to do if you just step outside that box you have built around yourself.  Protection.  I get that.  I don't want to run and hurt myself.  I don't want to move, frankly.  Remember, friends, baby steps.  When I stopped doing heroin it was literally one day at a time, and it was hard. 12 years later I am still clean and I use cannabis for my pain, because I never want to lose my soul to another opiate. But you work your steps.  Fall in love with what you are.  Grab it by the neck and scream if you need to get it out.  But always remember, love yourself at the end.

No matter your bumps, or the weight you may have gained.  For me it is my bad teeth.  Whatever it is, overcome it slowly.  Always be aware of your situational awareness and start to learn your limits.  The only way to do that is to push past them.  That can be the hardest part, but I swear that it will change your life.  If you need me, I am right here.  Let's go Warriors..  We GOT this.