This is one of my favorite pictures with my mom. It isn't the best shot, obviously my eyes are closed and you can't even see my mom.. But I have been thinking of things a lot lately, as I am sure you can tell by my rapid fire posts on a blog that the world can see. We lived in a very tiny trailer at this time and we would do things like dry our hair and paint our nails in the kitchen so we were out of everyone's way. I have fond memories of that floor.
I need the world to know that my mother is one of those people that others wish they could be. She is humble, loving, kind, amazing, caring, actually if I don't stop we could be here all day. She is one of the strongest women I have ever known. She moved a household by herself with a fucking lawn mower. I never saw her cry. I wish I would have, I could have hugged the tears away, but she believed that you shouldn't let your children see you cry.
Yes, you heard me, she moved an entire fucking house with a lawn mower. She got me off of heroin, which was so far out of her range of experience, but she sat up with me. She helped me take 100 showers and she made me as many waffles as I could eat. For some reason I was hungry for Eggo... She stayed up all night with me. She is my hero. I accepted long ago that I could never be as good as her. Or as strong as her. I am simply glad that she accepts this broken version of me.
She is the best grandma in the world, and would, to this day, take a bullet for any of us. I cannot express what an amazing woman she is.I learned what unconditional love meant from my mother. I learned to do the right thing from my mother. Everything that is good about me, is so; because of my mom.
She embodies joy and love in a way that is rare to see. I am blessed that she is my mom. I remember when I was very young and she was hugely pregnant with my brother and restless, we sat outside and listened to katydids and talked. It is one of my earliest memories and it is a beautiful one. Life got messy later because of my dad, and I know that it broke her for a while. It would break anyone.
That said, she was fucking broken.. never showed it.. moved us with a fucking lawn mower and a wagon.... while she was broken. Showed us nothing but bravery and love. I was a total ass hole.. She was still nice to me. I would have kicked my ass about a billion times by now, but she loves me, she will still give me a band aid because she is unconditional love.
I'm very glad you got to see the whole picture of your mom and to appreciate the hard times that she went thru for her family. that's beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThanks, my mother is one of the rare ones... I wrote this for her because she still takes on the guilt from so many things, that were not her fault. I wanted her to hear my words and the only way they all come out is if I type.
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