I Missed Getting to Hear Bob Marleys Daughter Speak. Fibromyalgia Sucks Sometimes.

Yeah, that is me in the purple dress.  Fibro has a representative color and it is purple, so here I am.  At the rally to legalize cannabis.  I was hurting and ordinarily would have stayed home but I went.  I walked a block to get to the rally.  At least I had my chair, because sitting on that wall is super uncomfortable on your ass.  Like a lot.

Anyway, one of the speakers was Bob Marley's daughter.  I was hurting so bad that I had to miss her.  I had to limp back to my car; taking frequent leans against poles, walls, whatever was there.  I cried real tears, even today, that I missed her.  This is the part of this fucking disease that sucks ass.  It makes me miss shit I really don't want to miss. (I mean, a Marley baby...  I missed so sad) This is what I mean about sometimes I get sad.  It is sad.  This shit is forever, at least for right now.  I am tired of missing life, and a little sad at the moment as a result.  This is a time of growth, though, and I will see the other side with a smile.  In the meantime the best I can do is stay positive when I can and never, ever, let this shit beat me.  It can make me cry, but it will not win.

I managed to stay on my feet and not go down.  I was alone, that would have made a scene.  If you see someone sink to the ground there will be some sort of kerfuffle...  I was simply hoping to make it to my car, then make it home.

I don't know if this happens with other maladies.  I like to call it my T-Rex.  Where your arms feel like someone put elastic in there and it's trying to wind back up, and take your arm with it.  My hands curl in, and my arms are useless..  I look like a damn T-Rex.  roawrrrrr ...

Among other things, my skin was hurting.  It was a bad time Bob.  A real bad time.  Oh, and as you can see, I look like the guy that wants to kill Bart on the Simpsons.  I love my dreads, they represent this new chapter in my life.  Too old?  Mid-life crisis?  I don't care.  I wanna keep this until they turn gray.

Naturally, you walk/look/seem strange people will stare.  They cannot help it.  I look them right in the eye.  From my prop position I smile..  I say hello, or hola..  depending.  I pass on love and positive energy and it is really awesome to watch them try to process me.  I confuse people on so many levels.  It is not my intent.  I should think that because of the way I look that they would not be surprised by my behavior...

I smile through the pain, I learned that a long time ago.  Now I smile to those around me, I engage them in conversation.  I help someone who looks distressed.  It doesn't matter how distressed I might be.  My pain is only that, pain.  It will not lead to injury (except when I fall down, run into walls, hit my head on things) but literally, I hurt all the time..  there is no difference.  Instead of frowning at the sidewalk and scowling at people that stare, I smile..  It makes them feel better, and in turn makes me feel better.

Listen up friends..  You have no idea the power you have.  Just say hello to someone you don't know.  Como Esta?  How are you?  It makes them smile.  It makes them feel the love that you feel for your fellow man.

I had to stop getting notifications from a friend, one that was always posting about the pretty butterfly and her perfect kids, glitter, and rainbows.  She is still my friend, but I could not stomach that crap.  Rainbow my ass.  But that still does not mean that we can't keep it as positive as possible.  No reason to be an ass hole after all.

Moral of this story?  You can effect someone in a positive way just by asking how their day is going.  Why aren't more people doing it?  I do it with my bad teeth, limping down the street, and I gave love and I got love.  It was a beautiful moment.