I have fallen into being one of THOSE people. You know.. the ones that are absolutely certain that everything is going to hell. The ones who talk about the "good old days".. that's all bullshit. Pick nearly any time in history and it sucked pretty bad for some group of people, somewhere.
There is no such thing as an ideal society, ideal humanity, Utopia in general. Everyone reaches and reaches for what they think they need.
Whether you are a person that lives in my are and you need a nice truck and wear "normal" clothes, and be comfortable with ugly hate words. I am most of those things, cannot fight the nasty words. That is how those particular people feel, nothing I can do.. Let them have their hate words. It is hurting no one. It's only fucking words.
The Utopian dream is bullshit, in a sense of Eve in the Garden of Eden shit. You create your own Utopia and you protect it at all costs. Make yourself comfortable in your home. Make yourself go outside also.. blow some bubbles.. Ultimately it doesn't matter what you drive, where you live, or what you wear when you accept and love yourself unconditionally it leads to a sense of strength that is incomparable.
Baby steps.. I am still working on some stuff. For example, taking a shower.. it makes me so sleepy sometimes I put it off.. I am also working on the volume of my voice. I am working on living with this pain as a part of my life.
Strength for my children. Strength to give them my undivided attention, because I have been super selfish when I initially started getting symptoms. I missed a lot of shit, just was only thinking of myself. It was a vital stage in my recovery, but I lost a lot of closeness with my boys. I should have concentrated more on how it must feel for them. Remember that.
Boys don't know how to say it so sometimes the words come out as mean and nasty and awful.. but they are boys and that is their way of saying that they worry. Instead of taking the bait.. ask what is really going on.
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