Families, Loved Ones, How Can They Treat me Like This?

I have been hearing some talk lately on boards, with people talking about their families and how they are reacting to those in the family that have fibro.  I know the pain that you feel when everyone around you thinks it is in your head.  On top of feeling like shit every waking moment, and most of the sleeping ones, we have to deal with people who are supposed to love us treating us like we are monsters?

I have found some old things that I wrote.  I want to say that through hard work and patience from both me and my immediate family we have made some amazing strides together in navigating this hell hole that is Fibromyalgia - the disease that fucks every single thing up and no one knows why...  disease.

Okay, so here is one from November in 2012

Can someone steal your smile or your laugh?  Yes, unfortunately I have found that can happen.  I am broken of body, that has been the case for years.  This is hard on a family.  I understand this, more now since The Fight.  It is hard not to be selfish when you are in constant pain.  It is hard not to be selfish when all you can do is wonder what the hell is wrong with you? 

I am 36 and I can barely carry my tiny shitzhu out side to go to the bathroom.  It is ridiculous.  It is hard to see past that, even if you think you are working on those specific relationships.  It was hard for me to truly feel badly for them until recently.

I accepted my lot.  I accept that I am broken and cannot do most things I used to enjoy.  I accept these things.  It made it easier to see what was going on around me and understand just how much it must have sucked to watch me deteriorate these past few years.

That said; it happened in one night, I screamed at my husband to finally get him to admit it, he screamed back that my illness is fucking this family up.  I am not faking, or making myself ill, this is not fair.  I have made my bed now, and let him do this.  He has gotten away with hiding me in the corner, looking the other way when I am hurting.

There is a surgery that could help a lot, especially with my hands, arms, and neck.  I asked my 17 year old son what he thought of me getting this surgery.  He responded pretty much by saying, don’t do it because if they fuck you up worse then we have to take care of an invalid.  Yay.. my life rocks. 

I can hear the video games that I can no longer play.  I can hear the sounds that used to include me.  Now I hide so I don’t upset the family with my pain.  This is not depression pain by the way, I am in actual disc crushing nerve pain.

END

That was forever ago.  I have come a long way since then.  This was after I accepted that I was losing my ability to create things with my hands.  I mourned that, Yet, now I am trying.  I do what I can, even when beading something makes me cry, but I refuse to stop and I have made several things that are pretty cool.

I used to never think the things I made were good enough, so I would throw them out or keep them in some random box.  When I had to quit my "normal" job because of the fibromyalgia I thought for a long time that I could craft and sell things, make some money that way to help support the family.  I was quickly disabused of that notion when I lost the feeling in my hands.  Yet now when I work on something my oldest gets angry.  I am happy with my accomplishments.  He is angry and mean to me still.  

I am sort of looking for pictures and more stuff that I have written.  I want to stress here that we cam through the storm and for the most part things are great.  I have my husband back, more amazing than ever.  We came through it..  mostly..  a work in progress with some of us..  nonetheless, we are doing it and so can you.