Typing out Loud, Random chaos and entertainment

I have a nervous condition, which among many other things, means that I have no verbal filter.  This has been the source of much embarrassment with my husband and my teenage boys.  They constantly tell me to be quite and for a while I got sort of yelled at because I truly say whatever the hell pops into my head.

I met a very nice lady named Susan on Facebook and because I have been ranting so much on there, she encouraged me to blog.  So here it is, My 6^th attempt at maintaining and blog and keeping a couple of people interested in reading and responding to what I say.

I find myself feeling most like writing when it feels organic, like whatever strange shit flew into my head today, I am going to write about it.  Because I am alone most of the time, the dog can only take so much…  I need to type out loud and get it all out.

I have been super nuts lately because my son turned 18, got his license, and got a job within the space of a month.  I went from having my two babies still here with me to suddenly having a man, that has to sign up for “selective service” and I am supposed to be okay with that and I am not.  Yeah, I know that people don’t freak out, because they don’t think that anything will happen that would cause the President to reinstate the draft, except..  okay.. I don’t want to be negative here, just realistic; we didn’t expect planes to attack some buildings either.  

I could not be more proud of my man.  My son Shelby.  He is so independent and smart and he can accomplish anything he sets his mind to.  He is a lot like me, really random and chaotic and things like math and well math confuse us.  He is way funnier than I will ever be and he got to dress in a Yogi Bear costume today at his job, which he is working at for 12 hours, so he can get a bigger check.

I was an Army wife for a long time.  I was a million miles from anyone who even knew my name, let alone knew me enough to be my friend.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done to raise two small children while I had a husband in the army.  Mine didn’t go to war, I don’t know that panic, I don’t think I would live through it, to be honest.  I digress, (a lot) but that didn’t mean that he was home.  I spent the first years of Shelby’s and Ian’s life alone with two babies and no clue what the hell I was doing.

Shelby went through a lot with me, including a pregnancy.  To this day he is so in tune with how I am feeling that he tunes into my channel when I cry at a movie.  I did the best that I could, during that time he bonded with me in a way I wouldn’t have expected; it is almost like he can read my mind and that is because when his little brain was developing he could tell that I struggled, he could tell that I was sad and it has made him protective of me and it comes from a place of such love.  We struggled, but we made it. 

My job has been mom for a really long time.  It is also sick person now, but that is for later.  Mom.  I was happy to give myself to my kids, I even failed miserably at home schooling them..  At least I fucking tried right?

So, welcome to my brain.  It is chaos in here and it is only going to get worse.  Buckle up, dive in and welcome to Typing out loud.