Typing out Loud

As an activist, when I "came out of the grow room" so to speak, and started speaking out about the positive things about cannabis use.  I started going to rallies whenever I could, there is me, with the sign, trying not to look like a hippy at the capitol building.  Failing at that....  I was still there.  I learned important lessons that day about my condition and Senate hearings, when the "Elk Lodge anti" took the stand and literally spouted rhetoric and bullshit, while the kids that were right there, the ones that cannot stop having seizures?  Those kids, one of which had to be airlifted from the building because she couldn't breath as a side effect of the medication she needed to stop having the seizures.  I also have a disease for the rest of my life that starts with constant crippling pain and there are about a hundred other things that have gone all to shit.

As much as I want to sell my soul to the opiate king.  Go away like I did 14 years ago..  do the heroin (opiates from doctor) same thing...  but I refuse to do that.  I spent three years laying in a bed a huge portion of that trying to stop my heart from beating because I didn't want to suffer anymore.  We moved houses and I decided I wanted to live.  I want some semblance of a life back.  I have medicated with cannabis for pain for the entire time, but I started research, and asking around and found the best ways to medicate.  I am not a pot head.  I cannot function without it..  not unlike the lady in this video,  I can't think unless I medicate.  My pain owns me.  I walk with it now, instead of trying to push through it, I walk with it.  Because of cannabis.  Because I can stay calm and sooth my burning nerve endings with a vaporizor pen.

Now Reader, this is not intended for you.  I am not giving you the finger.  However, I know that people talk about me everywhere I go.  I know that in this rural ass back woods shit hole people think I am a total ass hole.  Now, my presentation isn't so good at the moment as I have bad teeth, braces when I was a kid + soft european teeth = me looking like a meth addict in my mouth.  It is horrifyingly embarrassing and I am at the point that I hate leaving the house.  However, I am positive, even about this, that when the time is right I will get my mouth fixed.  I almost had it, then my kid found his dream car, and he deserved something amazing, so we got the car.  I waited.  They got worse.  I mention this, Reader, because as you can see, even though I have no filter and rant incessantly I am not stupid.  I am far from stupid and I am certainly not on meth.  That shit is the devil and I want nothing to do with it.

When you find out, though, what those thundercunts are saying behind your back..  me anyway, no matter how hard I try I have this niggle for a moment where I wanna throttle their stupid asses.  But then I remind myself that they are the ones spending their time on me when they should be looking at my kid.  You know.  Ian, the one with a stack of letters of interest from nearly every college in the country, or my other kid?  The one that wants nothing more than to work hard and fix shit.  What are their kids doing?  Well...  getting kicked out of scouts for taking a literal weapon and alcohol to a campout.  Yeah, that is the truth, this piece of shit pothead has raised better kids than you..  what do you have to say to that?

Now, I still love that lady for her right to exist as a human and say whatever the hell she wants about me.  She is no longer in charge of my son at all..  Eagle Scout is strange and this panel of ladies has to say yes and I was worried that they would hold what they thought about me over my son's head..  I would not deal well with that..  like at all....  for obvious reasons.  Say what you will about me..  Say something about my child and we are going to have words.  Just words.  I am a peacemaker..  but there would be words, and some of them would be cuss words.  I am nothing if not honest about myself.