Remember when we could take a shower without needing a nap after? Remember when we could walk around Walmart literally all day long (I was a manager) and not feel more than the aches that healthy people have? Remember when your kids were embarrassed to be seen with you in the Walmart because you had to ride in the cart? Remember when you could cook, because you remembered that you were cooking. This happens to me all the time.. I burned soup. How the hell do you burn soup? I did...
This is a daily fight. I have to type these when they happen in my head, not before, not after, but while it is in my head, because I only have around 30 seconds before my memory resets and I forget everything I was just saying and everything I was about to do. I have homework today, but my muse granted me the ability to write some of this shit down.
It is going to be difficult for your kids to see you sick. They may be the only ones in your life that really know and understand how sick you are. Mine knew, and they are teenagers. However, don't forget that you are their mom and they are scared out of their heads that you are going to die. Mine are still afraid. I am at the point that I mostly laugh when I fall, but it scares the shit out of my teenagers. Always let your kids know that you are okay. Don't let them live with the fear that comes with seeing your mom in so much distress, even if they are teenagers.
Teenagers are hard. I missed big chunks of their tween years and they are more damaged from that than I thought. Don't push your kids away, even if you feel like your brain is about to explode and your legs and arms feel like running away... keep them close. Teach them that as bad as it looks, we are the lucky ones.
It is more difficult to care for yourself when you have this shit, but it is possible to live a happy life. You just have to be stronger than the disease. Stronger than you ever thought you could be. I have a new 10 on the pain scale, all thanks to fibromyalgia. It changes everything, but no matter how you feel, it is essential that you hold your kids close so that they are not scared.
Push your limits, it is the only way to start to heal. Yes, I said heal. I still have fibro and I am in excruciating pain almost all of the time. Educate yourself. Read blogs. Love yourself. Don't lay in your bed unless you are about to sleep. Randomness is the name of this game. However, if you look a little deeper you will realize that as chaotic as this feels, it is predictable. We feel so chaotic that we don't realize that we are totally predictable. That helped me a lot when I realized that. I still feel like a walking ball of chaos, but in reality I am not.
This post is courtesy of Skippy, my alter ego... the one that resets every 30 seconds.
I thought of something else, but I forgot.. oh yeah.. So, if you have fibro and a re-set on your brain it helps to learn stuff. I am in college online. It is a struggle to keep up with the work, but I am so glad that I have that in my life. Don't be afraid for real, remember it is just your body telling you that you scared. Our brains are broken, we learn to live with a broken brain.
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